<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Human Experimentation Loophole by ripplegrin</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207160">Human Experimentation Loophole</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ripplegrin/pseuds/ripplegrin'>ripplegrin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magic: The Gathering (Card Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Izzet, bad times, sparking story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207160</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ripplegrin/pseuds/ripplegrin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavii reads another planeswalker's story of how they sparked. It follows Alexander Canigula Hansen as he tries to find a way to become the best izzet experimenter only to nearly die trying.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Human Experimentation Loophole</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Greetings, all those that have found one of these spotters. Yes, that is their name. Please don’t call it anything else. I could list off all the terrible reasons that you have found this, but I have been told that I have to be more positive. </p><p>I am Lavii, the creator of an organization named Chromascope. Our organization is focused on the protection of planes at risk of destruction and, now, the keeping of any information of fallen planes. Normally, we’d just stop it but there are times where no amount of work can save a world; thus we have decided to record stories of planes and planeswalkers that are at risk.</p><p>Feel free to provide any story to the spotter who is present before you. If you cannot write, it will write it for you then proceed to send the story to me. Excluding stories such as yours, I have asked several members of chromascope to write me down stories of their sparking. The situation that started it all. The one you get to listen to today is one on my lieutenant, Alexander Canigula Hansen… I should probably make a way to label these.</p><p>Alexander Canigula Hansen’s story on his sparking. Name given by the writer is “Human Experimentation Loophole.” <br/>______________________________________________________________________________<br/>I would not be surprised if you haven’t heard of me. Most of the Izzet thought I died — the ones who didn’t were surprised that I was near the level of that Zarek guy before my disappearance. I should probably start around there. </p><p>Now, this was about five or ten years back. Some of this stuff will be a little fuzzy. I was one of the highest non-parun-and-a-bit-of-a-narcissist positions in the guild, and Mr. Zarek was neck and neck with me. We both had tons of experiments...  most went well— well enough that we were both stuck in the same position. Whereas he was more focused on the leylines and magic of the plane, I was seeking the perfection of our weirds and weirder magic. </p><p>Weirds, as a concept, are wild… However, the short version is: weirds are a stable fusion of two elements that don’t like each other. It’s like shoving an ice elemental into a fire elemental and they make a baby that is both ice and fire. We call that a frostburn Weird, if you cared for the name.  My idea was to create a sentient weird that used electromagnets to keep its form stable. It was cool in concept but it never got off the ground floor… at least not while I was around. I was in a slump. I hate that word. </p><p>I was one of the main contractors on the Warmind Initiative at the time. I frequented many Boros garrisons. A lot of them were mind numbing, but they knew not to mess with the 134 pound Izzet mage eating a salad while reading some documents. As time went on, most of my personal experiments fizzled out, and I sponsored younger guildmages. It was a time. A mind numbing time. That is, until I heard a rumor.</p><p>Rumors are... not great... to be honest. Some people think every rumor is made by the tenth guild, but this one was too dumb for them. The story went like this: a Boros legionnaire had a bet with some of his friends and ran a simple experiment. The simple experiment being: “if I shove my hand into a bucket of frostburn solution, my hand should be fine.” It's gonna sound like I’m messing with you. but I heard the guy lost his hand. Completely unrelated! I swear on god.</p><p>I digress, this got my gears turning. I couldn’t copy the experiment, ‘cause that’s lazy. I had the perfect plan. The only problem is that — due to recent problems with the Human Resource department and several Selesnya guildmages —my experiment was just a teensy, itty bitty bit illegal and ‘inhumane’. I knew how to make loopholes. After all, I am a creative and intelligent member of the Izzet league.</p><p>The major rule: any experiments that risk the life of another creature are banned under a multitude of Azorius documents. It went on longer than that, but I stopped reading after I got the shortened version of it. Let’s be honest... if this wasn’t being read to you, you’d probably ignore it. The short version of the loophole is that you can do whatever you like, so long as you take the risk.</p><p>The experiment was simple, and a lot of younger guildmages watched. I was gonna chug about a pint of frostburn solution. Then, I would tell all the guildmages what happened. I had dripped the stuff on me countless times before, and it was painful... I thought it’d be safe, since I had built up my tolerance. In case you couldn’t guess from me being a planeswalker, and still alive... it didn’t go great. </p><p>I’m sure you all want to hear that event. Because of that, I’ll happily use my great memory to repeat it moment for moment for all of you. It went down fairly easily, to be honest. During the first few seconds, I didn’t feel like I drank anything strange. Ten seconds in, it started to activate. It felt like my throat was being incinerated while my lips were chipping off like ice. Within moments, these two terrible feelings met, fused together, and amplified across my face and throat. I felt like my stomach was turning into a fine mesh. While being grilled.You should be able to imagine how that hurt. By the time I regained consciousness, I sparked to Zendikar. I went right into a tidepool. You’d think it would soften the landing, but you would be very much wrong. All the pain of this skyrocketed to a ten and it got much worse. Were it not for Nozari helping me and removing the toxins from me, I would be a pile of goo at the bottom of the Zendikari seas. </p><p>Now, you don’t go through chugging poison without side effects. No matter how much I drink, I can’t be drunk. I went from one of the strongest mages in the izzet guild to little more than a day one goblin. One of my eyes changed to red and my saliva is the solution that made me like this. That’s about it though. Don’t chug frostburn solution, kids.<br/>_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>That sure was a story. I’m honestly not expecting that every one of these stories will be happy… However, I know that Alexander is a little more unstable than I previously had thought. Wonderful. Well, I will be sending out a new story whenever the next one is recorded and written. I hope you enjoy your time until then, unless you wish to donate a story to us. Thank you all for surviving… Oh, and for any stories you send in.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>